Have you ever met someone you immediately disliked because they remind you of someone else?

Have you ever pre-judged an experience because of something that has happened in the past?

Have you ever rejected an idea because it’s different than your norm?

We. are. all. guilty.

You should know that there’s a real reason why this happens, and it’s not because you are negative or judgmental.

You are an automatic meaning-making machine by nature. What does that mean? This can get confusing, admittedly, but let’s break it down to its most basic understanding. It means that our brains connect emotions to situations, people, events, and anything we interact with or met. Why? Because we are wired to create connections. Those connections and meanings become our perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors. What’s important to note is that when we do not have all the information, our minds use past experiences and long-held beliefs to fill in the blanks in any given situation. I call the brain “the storyteller” for this exact reason. Think about it. If our minds fill in the blank due to a lack of knowledge or based on the past, how likely is it what we think in the current moment grounded entirely in truth? This subconscious action can often significantly affect us until we understand the process and gain control.

Are you still with me? Good. I bet you are beginning to see where the storyteller can lead you astray.

However, if you are still not clear, let’s say you are introduced to a highly successful businessperson. You are immediately interested in getting to know them because your business has been going through a rough patch over the last few months. This person could have the answer you’ve been seeking. Subconsciously, something occurs. There is an immediate value given to this person, regardless of not knowing them, simply based on the label of “highly successful businessperson.”

As the conversation gets underway, you quickly realize this person, who you’ve just given unwarranted credit to, is not friendly. In fact, they seem put off by the conversation. They are so disengaged that they begin looking around the room. You feel rejected, and the storyteller, A.K.A. the mind, begins to tell a story.

The story goes something like this: “This person is rude.” “Wait. Maybe it’s me.” “Maybe I’m not worthy of such a successful friend.” “Maybe they can tell my business is failing.” “I wouldn’t be interested in me either.” “My business is going to fail because I am not good enough.”

As the storyteller churns, you begin to feel sad, small, worthless, and a host of other negative feelings. Can you imagine what it would feel like if you stopped the negative cycle of thought and began to think outside of yourself?

Is someone’s interest in you a true reflection of you as a person? Doesn’t it say more about them? It can even be more straightforward than that. What if your new acquaintance is having a stressful day, and the last thing they want to talk about is business. Maybe they are looking around the room because they are expecting someone. There are many reasons why someone does not engage with you that are outside of your worth.

We forget to check our thoughts and our connection to them. Perhaps, at this moment, you felt rejected because someone close to you recently said you would never be able to grow your business. As you feel dismissed by this new acquaintance, what your friend said comes boiling to the surface. What happens then? Your emotions take a downturn, and you reject what could be an opportunity for a later date.  

That may seem like an extreme example, but it’s not. It occurs daily, and it’s called anchoring. We learn by making links and associations; it is the wired connection I spoke of before. The place we do this is most often in our emotional mind. If you aren’t sure what that is, check out this post.               

Anchoring is the same thing as when a smell, a song, a thought, a taste, etc., triggers a memory or emotional response. You’ve tied, often subconsciously, an emotion to a moment. Our past can rule our actions and our emotional health long after an experience is over because we are meaning-making machines.

Wouldn’t our example be different if your business was thriving and your friends had nothing but great things to say about you and it? The successful businessperson’s dismissiveness wouldn’t have affected you. The anchor you would have created around your business would be positive.

Now, don’t get it wrong, anchors can be positive, too. An anchor can help trigger or stimulate a desired emotional state. Yes, anchoring is that powerful of a tool. You could create an anchor for creativity. Another anchor could be for motivation—one for feeling powerful, an anchor for love, happiness, and so on. You might have anchored yourself to feeling motivated for exercise by hearing a particular song. Now that you know about anchors, you can begin to form those that serve you and break those that do not.

It’s also essential to know how we form opinions, regulate our emotional states, and know what we like and what we don’t is done through the process of anchoring.  

Is there an easy way to create good anchors? Yes, of course, there is!

 There are four core understandings and steps to make this work for you: Awareness, Uniqueness, Repetition, and Intensity.

Awareness is how we stop automatic negative thoughts and feelings from rising. If we are aware that we are in an unhelpful thought pattern, it’s easier to shift back into the good. That’s highly important as we create connections from thoughts to feelings to situations. This is why mindfulness is so important.

Step 1: Start by thinking of an emotion that you would like to anchor. Perhaps it’s self-love, self-confidence, or maybe feeling unstoppable.

Uniqueness is vital because you want each anchor to trigger a particular response. As I said, you are a meaning-making machine. You are creating anchors every hour of the day. You don’t want your anchors to be used at the wrong time—such as being introduced to a highly successful businessperson.

Step 2: Define why this anchor is important to you. (This is the uniqueness).

Intensity! When you create an anchor, you want to do it at the height of your feeling. If the emotion you want to feel is empowerment, set this feeling right after a goal has been accomplished, when you feel powerful and at your best!

Step 3: Engage in the trigger. (Intensity). If you want to feel unstoppable, create a scene in your head where you are winning, where you are on top of the world, and make it so clear that you FEEL the moment.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. Like anything else, the more times you set an anchor during a high emotional peak, such as taking a moment to witness when you feel good, the more significant impact it will have on your emotional state. The more you validate your experiences as positive, the more positive anchors you create. The repetition of producing good feelings and thoughts in your life helps the cycle continue.

Step 4: Repeat the steps. Why, How, and When.

What’s the point?

When you are in an emotional state that is not serving you, a positive emotional anchor can help you find your way back to feeling good. You can break an anchor by disrupting the thought. You have the power to feel great at any point, especially when you have insider information on how that storyteller of yours is trying to trip you up. Anchor the good, trash the rest. You are the meaning-making machine, after all.

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a certified Life Coach with a specialty certification in mindfulness, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a certified meditation coach. She is also the creator and voice behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2020