Can you imagine seeing those words written at your feet? Would you stop? Would you smile? Would you accept the challenge?

Self-love is one of those concepts that are popping up everywhere you turn. “Love yourself more” has become the theme of best sellers, printed on an obnoxious amount of t-shirts and journals, and it’s even being taunted by the latest anti-depression ads on streaming media. It’s almost as if it’s the answer to the world’s problems. Maybe, in a way, it could be. Self-love solves many internal issues. Can you imagine what the world would be like if it was active within and among the masses? Hmm…maybe we are getting somewhere. Now, if that sounds pretty lofty for a “simple” concept, hang with me. I’m going to do my best to convince you that this mindset has great power, and its push is well-deserved.

If you follow me on Instagram (if you don’t, seriously, what are you waiting for? Join our fantastic community @getyourlifetogethergirl), you may have answered the poll where I asked if you struggle with self-love. Seventy-five percent of those who answered acknowledged that self-love is indeed a struggle. When asked why, the battle was defined by everything from body image, self-worth, comparison, identity, people-pleasing, to caring what others think, to name a few. For some, loving themselves seems like an insurmountable task. For those of you standing in self-loathing and self-minimizing shoes, please know, self-love is achievable. It’s as simple as a mindset shift and showing up for yourself daily. Okay, I’ll admit, for some, that doesn’t seem all that simple, but it is doable! I promise.

Self-love is vital to living a balanced, grounded, happy life. I hear you saying, “This all sounds great, but how?” Maybe you are asking, “Does self-love truly matter that much?” The “how” we’ll get to, as to “if” self-love is essential—let me remind you that the only relationship you will have that will withstand your entire lifetime is the relationship you have with yourself. With that thought in place, would you really ask if self-love truly matters? I, for one, do not want to spend my entire life disenchanted with myself.

While the two words “self-love” may be trending, we rarely talk about what the mindset and way of life actually entail. It’s more than buying new clothes for the perfect selfie or getting your hair done and calling it “self-care/love.” This way of life comes down to an honest state of appreciation that grows from our beliefs, thoughts, and actions. That appreciation is supported by our mindset, physical practices, and spiritual growth. Self-love asks us to accept and respect ourselves, treat ourselves with kindness, and nurture our well-being. It’s also important to point out that self-love will never look the same from day-to-day. You will mess up loving yourself. We all do. Nevertheless, when we focus, we get better, and as you know, what we focus on grows.

When people, especially women, say to me, “I don’t know how to love myself,” I ask one question in return. “Do you consider yourself the way you so willingly and easily consider others?”

Meaning, if you consider someone’s feelings before you act, do you do the same for yourself? Do you strive to meet your own needs? Do you ever think about how you feel? Do you prioritize your well-being?

Of course, you do. Even if it isn’t to the extent it should be, you do consider yourself. We all do. These are factors of self-love. What I am getting at is we all have some element of self-love active in our lives. Sometimes, all we need to do is get better at understanding and identifying how we treat, value, and show up. That is where mindset and mindfulness come into play.  

What does authentic self-love look like?

Speaking positively to yourself

Forgiving yourself if you mess up

Prioritizing your health and well-being

Valuing your feelings

Holding yourself accountable

Accepting your imperfections

Pursuing your interest, goals, and life’s purpose

Asking for help

Setting and maintaining boundaries

Letting go of the past in favor of healing

Making healthy choices—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually

Being mindful

Setting realistic goals

Being assertive

Meeting your own needs

Recognizing your strengths

See, there is something on the list that you can witness in yourself, isn’t there? While there are dozens of other operations of self-love, these top the list. With the “what” of self-love on the table, we need to look at the “why.”

Why do we need to love ourselves?

Think about the last major hurdle you overcame. Did it rock your foundation? Did it take you down before you were able to pull yourself back up? If self-love is already in full operation, you are less likely to deal with not feeling good enough or even questioning why something is happening when hard things occur. With self-love, we already know our worth and our ability to face what is before us. Self-love creates resiliency, which is needed now more than ever.  

There are other major “whys” we must put on the virtual table, too. Without self-love, we fall into the trap of self-criticism, people-pleasing, or worrying about what others think of us. From there, we begin neglecting our own needs and feelings, while claiming that we add no value to the world (which is complete trash, by the way). We teach people how to treat us. If you do not value yourself, others will struggle to find value in you, too.

With self-love as our foundation, we set boundaries, take care of ourselves, create healthy relationships, practice self-care, pursue our own goals and interest, and become proud of who we are. You deserve that life!

Now, I need you to hear me. Are you listening? Okay, I am in no way saying to put yourself on a pedestal. You are beautiful and impressive, but let’s get one thing clear. No one showed up in this life to be better than someone else. Some are just better at owning who they are, their skill set, and their ability to thrive. Showing up for yourself is what makes you great. These people hold themselves accountable, fiercely show up, and use their self-love to their most significant benefit. When we can do this for ourselves, it’s so simple to give to others in all capacities.

Let’s move on to the “how.” How can you fearlessly love yourself?

1.    Act on what you need.

Stay focused on what you need rather than what’s in the moment. Meaning release yourself from being tied to the wrong relationship, the automatic behaviors that no longer serve you, being stuck in the past… Ask yourself, what do I need? What do I want from this life? Where am I headed? With those answers in hand, act on what you need.

2.    Have the right people in your life.

This is a big one that’s worthy of understanding! We are wired for connection. Anyone who tells you otherwise is mistaken. Our brains literally seek connection, as does our emotional, physical, and mental bodies. We need others. I can’t stress this enough. Yet, there is a caveat to the connection. We must connect with the right people. The right people are essential to creating the best relationships, the best feelings, and our overall life satisfaction.

3.    Love and honor your body!

Look, any of us can find something to dislike about our physical form. Yet, here’s the truth. There is someone who wishes they looked like you. There is someone out there that admires what your limbs are capable of. There is someone who sees you in all your splendor and cannot imagine how you cannot see the magnificence in which you are. My dear, be thankful for what you possess. It’s time to start focusing on what you do like about yourself and not what you don’t. Honor and love your body. You are perfect just the way you are.

4.   Build your strengths.

Focus on your gifts. You have individual strengths that others simply do not. What are they? What makes you feel your best? Those factors should be your focus.

5.   Challenge the expectations in your life.

Self-love tells us to be mindful of what is “expected” of us and what we own as ours. Do the expectations currently active in your life work for you, or do they work against you? If something does not work for you, challenge them and create what does.

6.   Focus on your successes.

Build upon what is present and what has worked in the past. We all fail. Expending our energy to relive why something did not work or how we had to move differently through our path does nothing but keep that moment active. Counterproductive, party of one, your table is now ready! Stop retelling the same old story and start living the life you have always been meant to live.

7.    Become grounded in your true feelings.

Self-love asks us to be honest about who we are, what we want, and what we need. This is the basis of living authentically.

8.   Practice self-compassion.

Many struggle with self-compassion. Do for yourself that which you would easily do for others. Be kind to your mind, body, and spirit. If you would not call a friend and trash their efforts, don’t do the same to yourself. Compassion is necessary in every relationship, even the one with yourself.

9.   Release negative self-talk.

Negative self-talk takes us down, and it does so fast. What value does ripping yourself apart add to your overall existence? Seriously, have you ever asked yourself that question? How can you expect to feel good if you don’t build yourself up and value who you are? Let go of the negativity and replace it with affirmations. You are worthy.

10. Set boundaries.

It’s important to know what you value in this world. It’s the only way to know what you want to be present in your life. Boundaries constitute a significant part of loving yourself. They are imperative in every element of life. What we let in easily becomes our way of being, our way of thinking, and how we interact and live. It is for this reason that boundaries are crucial.  

11. Let go of comparison.

I’ve said this a million times, and I’ll repeat it again—there is only one you. Your story will never be the same as anyone else’s. Stop wishing your worth away. If there is not another you, what is there to compare to? You are where you are supposed to be right now. Stop killing your self-love in the hopes of being someone else. You are you, and honestly, that’s beautiful.

 12. Give yourself permission to see and own your worth.

 See yourself for who and what you are. Own it. You are here to create magic and to weave a legacy. Write an epic love story of your life in every single thing you do. Your inspiration is likely to spark the same in someone else.  

Simply put, love yourself. Love yourself, fearlessly. Love yourself into action. Love yourself in a way that becomes your second nature. That’s the story the world needs you to tell, not tomorrow, but right now, at this moment, in this day. You deserve beautiful things, my dear. First, you must believe you are worthy.

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a certified Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a certified meditation coach. She is also the creator behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2020