Let’s talk self-care, shall we? The term “self-care” has sadly become the catchphrase and label for many seeking to sell bougie bubble bath, essential oil-infused candles, and overly priced journals. Now, don’t get me wrong; I love those things, too. Yet, I believe wrapping the idea of ultimate self-care around taking a relaxing bubble bath sends the wrong message. There is so much more to self-care than physical relaxation.

From the mind, body, emotion, and soul perspective, let’s gear ourselves toward the most valid form of self-care there is—stress management. Unchecked stress can wreak havoc on your well-being, and let’s face it, stress is everywhere, especially right now.

When we engage with our stress, we flood our bodies with unnecessary stress hormones. Our hearts tend to speed up, we feel nervous, anxious, out of control, hyper-focused, and at times, feel it necessary to avoid everything, even the people and things we love the most. We are wired for connection, which is an essential factor of self-love and growth. Not addressing our stress affects us in ways that have the power to undo the significant components in our lives, including our relationships.

Most are unaware of the three stages of stress: Alarm, Resistance, and Exhaustion. I’m sure you can think of several times, even some recently, where you have found yourself in one of these stages.

Let’s break them down a bit further.

Alarm:

We’ve all heard of fight, flight, or freeze. This often includes the mind and body responses I was just talking about—the heart racing, tension, negative thoughts, headaches, you know, the physical manifestation of stress.

Resistance: This is truly an attempt to adapt or overcome the effects of stress, such as trying to ignore what is happening around you by simply saying, “It will get better on its own.” It’s acting as if everything is okay, but inside you’re barely keeping it together. When we resist and refuse to deal with our lives, we tend to lose sleep, experience poor mental function, have anxiety, weight gain or loss, and even physical illness. It’s here we often put our bodies into crisis mode.

Exhaustion: This goes beyond the physical and expands into the mind and soul. It’s here we move into burnout and find ourselves unable to deal with simple functions or engage in positive relationships.

We may not be able to escape stress, but we can deal with it better. How can we elevate our self-care game?

We can identify and understand the warning signs of burnout and high-levels of stress.

1.    You are emotionally overextended.

We’ve all been there. Some even live in this constant state, which often ends up being toxic. Being emotionally overextended looks like crying without understanding the cause. It’s being unable to connect with others. It’s a negative mindset that does not change, no matter how hard you try to flip the script or shift your thoughts.

2.    Depersonalization.

We all know someone who has treated others poorly for “no reason.” Don’t be fooled; there is always a reason. When we function in high levels of unchecked stress, we depersonalize everything around us, including people. Depersonalization, simply put, means treating people as less than or as disposable objects that match the negative feelings pulsing within.

3.    A sense of no accomplishment.

Stress and burnout trick us into believing we are inefficient, incompetent, and inadequate. These feelings lead us into helplessness and bitterness. Many have a hard time getting out of bed when they hit this level of unchecked stress. Their energy is zapped, and they struggle to concentrate on anything but their lowest emotional state. 

With self-care in mind, there are simple practices available to you to mindfully manage your stress and keep your mind, body, and spirit from the negative consequences of stress.

Real self-care:

1.    Make a list of stressors.

Writing down your stressors allows you to see them thoroughly and often from a different angle. It also allows you to release these issues, which makes them less overwhelming. We, in no way, have to be our stress. We can simply witness it, decide how to move through it, and work on moving past it. Not everything in our lives deserves ownership.

2.    Determine what you can change and what you cannot.

This is important. Once you identify what can be changed, you have the power to ask yourself the following questions:  “How may I change my perspective and feelings of this stressor?” “What can I let go of?” “Can I see the situation differently if I remove the emotions I am experiencing?” “Can this moment teach me something?”

3.    Do one small thing at a time.

Stress tends to feel bigger than us, doesn’t it? If the stressor is big enough, it tricks us into believing we must tear everything apart in order to reset and change our lives. Generally, this is unnecessary and causes more damage than good. Instead, take one small, positive step at a time. Make one solid adjustment or advancement toward your stressor. Do so positively and concretely. Think in terms of what am I capable of doing right now, at this moment.

4.    Reach out to your support network.

Who are your people? Make a list. Whom can you speak to that offers an unbiased, nonjudgmental forum and offers you a sense of calm? I call these people “Spirit Keepers,” and it’s vital to have them in your life. There’s another factor to remember. If the people you have as your network offer more stress, refuse to listen, or tell you how you must handle your life, you need a new network.

5.    Identify your triggers!

Can you become mindful of your automatic reactions or stressors? Of course, you can, with practice, that is. When you feel stress rising, move your thoughts to the present moment. What is happening? Pay attention to the way your body feels, who is in your presence, the location, the conversation, your thoughts… This will help you identify what, or even who creates a response within.

 6.    Things change!

Remember, what is present today may not be present tomorrow. Don’t allow today’s issues to become tomorrow’s headache and heartbreak. Every moment has its time, and then it moves on to something more.

WRAPPING UP, the journey to our best self means we must be willing to care for ourselves in the highest, most authentic, and best way. Start by removing the stress. These simple steps go a long way into creating lasting, grounded change.

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a certified Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a certified meditation coach. She is also the creator behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2020