One of the hardest things to teach is self-connection—yet, connecting with yourself is the only way to create a sense of belonging and empowerment, and it’s the only way to find authenticity. With that much riding on inner connection, we have to build an inner relationship that starts somewhere, and that somewhere is within you.

Jillian from Bar Harbor, Maine, wrote in and said, “Danielle, I read a quote the other day that said, ‘If you do not feel like you have a place in the world, connect with your inner self.’ (End quote). That’s a fine statement, but what if you do not feel like you are connected with yourself, either? Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been asleep my entire life. As I do more work on healing and growing, as you suggest, I feel as though I need a few more tools to connect with myself. What would you suggest?

The words, “Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been asleep my entire life,” are extremely powerful words. That asleep feeling often makes us believe we are nothing more than our fears, shortcomings, and insecurities. We are the programming and lessons we were told should be our way, but everything in us bumps against those messages. It’s as though we are wearing a mask and living a life of pretending.

When we wake up and connect with ourselves, we say hello to the genuine person, the soul, that we are, and we find connectivity to our inner power.

The real you, the inner awareness, being, soul, whatever you want to call it, is peace. It’s freedom. It’s uncomplicated. It’s here that we are consciously alive.

And even if you feel that you have been asleep for years, do your best to get into the thought patterns of you’re too old, don’t know enough, aren’t sure, and the state that you analyze everything down to a granule level that further causes you to hide from your true essence.

Back to Jillian’s question: Are there tools to connect with myself? Let’s walk through them quickly.  

To establish a profound connection to your authentic self, you must give yourself time to get to know yourself. That means you must be willing to shut down the outside world and listen to what is happening within you. It’s time to sit and breathe. It’s time to exist without expectation. It’s listening to your voice and heartbeat.

What I’m about to say next seems self-explanatory. Still, many people don’t realize that disconnection from yourself is extremely normal when you live with a ton of toxicity and distraction in your life.

 So, a self-connection tool sounds like and feels like getting rid of the toxicity. But, to connect inward, you have to adjust outwardly, too. So, pay attention to the things, people, thoughts, emotions, and financial experiences that make you question or feel like you are struggling or just simply existing instead of enjoying the nuances of your life. What’s working, what’s not.

Next, seeking constant validation instead of leading with what is working in your life will always trip you up. Putting other people’s opinions ahead of your own will create those feeling like you are wearing a mask.

How can you stop seeking outside opinions? Stop when you feel like you need someone else to help you make the decision or guide you in your choice. Grab a piece of paper and write down just the facts. From there, write down all the scenarios you are struggling with and offer an opinion as if you were an outside party—meaning, be objective.

The next connectivity focus is to live your originality. There’s only one of you. Somewhere along the way, most of us are told not to be the fullest expression of ourselves. Shielding, hiding, or minimizing who you are becomes a way to dull yourself into no connection. The mind has a way of becoming mechanical if you let it. Your originality can only come from your truest, natural expression, not what you think someone else wants you to be.

How can you connect with your originality? First, ask yourself, who am I?

Next, comes down to choice. One of my favorite quotes is by Buddha, “Happiness is a choice, not a result.”

When we engage in the things that fill us up and make us smile and laugh, it’s the best therapy. Feeling alive is pure connectivity. When was the last time you asked yourself: Am I happy? What makes me happy? What am I choosing every day that fans the spark within me?

While there are so many different ways to connect or react with your true self, these are some of the top ways I’ve found to help us find that inner soul’s desire.

If you want a bit deeper or further, sit with yourself. Grab a piece of paper and answer these questions:

What impact would I like to make on the world?

What do I feel led to do each day that I have the privilege to wake up?

What inspires you?

From there, ask yourself:

What do I want?

What do I need?

How do I want to feel?

How do I want to present myself in this world?

How will I get there?

And, will I give myself permission to do the work to get to all I’ve uncovered?  

I hope this helps you begin the journey to self-connection. Jillian, thank you for your question. I hope this gives you new insight. I challenge each of you to challenge yourself.

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