Life is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and moments where we are tested. But, as the saying goes, the only constant thing in life is change.

01:23 For today’s mindset reset, we are leaning into how to build resilience in our day-to-day lives. Gabrielle from Dallas, Texas, wrote in through the Get Your Life Together, Girl Instagram page and said, “Danielle, I spent the last year practicing the healing and growth techniques you taught on the podcast and Instagram. They have helped me tremendously. As a result, my mindset has shifted from negative to much more positive, and I feel that my relationships are better than they have been in many years. However, I feel as though I’m still struggling to build resiliency or the ability to bounce back when things happen or when my parents criticize me, things don’t go as planned, or a most recent example, I was laid off because my company closed without warning. Are there practices for resiliency, or is that a trait I don’t have?”  

What a great question! Many of us struggle with bouncing back when hard things enter our lives. Unfortunately, most focus on the problem instead of what it will take to move forward or the strategies they have already used in the past. The truth is the problem is more with our focus and inner belief than anything. Yet, this would definitely be different if we had a resiliency plan.

02:52 To answer the last part of Gabrielle’s question: Is resiliency a trait that some do not have—the answer is an overwhelming no. Resiliency is a behavior, not a trait. Some people are indeed more resilient than others, but we can all learn to be more resilient. Coming so is developed through our behaviors, thoughts, and actions.

One way to develop resilience is to draw on what you’ve already learned or been challenged through in the past and what you already know about yourself and your strength but perhaps have forgotten or don’t call upon in times of need.

03:48 We can build our resiliency through a practice called the 4 S’s. I love this exercise developed by Dr. Lucinda Pool and Dr. Hugo Alberts, as it’s had great success among the women I’ve worked with.

Let’s walk through it now so each of us can bounce back, be more adaptable in hard times, and overcome challenges and setbacks. This is how you can build a resiliency plan today!

Grab your pen now!

04:15 Our four S’s are:

• Support

• Strategies

• Sagacity

• and

• Solution-seeking

04:27 Step 1: The first step is to recall a recent example of resilience.

So, think about a time when you have overcome a big moment like a job loss, illness, a negative comment that cut you deeply, or any other challenge. Take a moment to briefly write it out from all angles—how you felt, reacted, needed, etc. This is an exercise that builds as we move through it.

05:01 Step 2: We want to identify the supportive people in your life.

Take a moment to write down the people who keep you moving forward or turn to when you feel sad, hopeless, or lacking?

05:21 Step 3: What strategies or behaviors did you use to help yourself cope with the situation you wrote about?

What did you do to help yourself move through the negative feelings or thoughts? An example may be: you meditated, exercised, journaled, or called a friend. Write down how you helped yourself while in the thick of things.

05:50 Step 4: Identify sagacity

Sagacity is the wisdom and insight you hold onto and use in your most challenging moments. Maybe it came from a book you read, a quote you saw, something your best friend said, or even something from your past; it doesn’t matter where it came from—what wisdom do you have to call upon?

Put that down on your paper.

06:24 Step 5: Identify your solution-seeking behaviors.

What solution-seeking behaviors did you display to help you with the problem you wrote down in step 1? The examples you are seeking would be: did you problem-solve? If so, how? Did you seek out new information, plan ahead, negotiate, or voice your opinion to others? Write down whatever comes forward as your behavior.

07:08 Step 6: Write down the challenge you are currently facing?

07:21 Step 7: We want to pull all the steps together to write out a resilience plan.

We are using the 4 S’s now – social support, strategy, sagacity, and solution-seeking behaviors.

08:04 From everything you wrote down, extract all of the strengths and create a plan that:

Supports: what self-support do you have within you? What outside support do you have? Knowing who you can rely on keeps you in a connected state of mind. Our negative mindset kicks in when we feel alone, and our ability to thrive feels threatened.

Strategies – Give yourself workable strategies with the solution-seeking behaviors.

Sagacity – what wisdom gives you comfort that you can move through this moment just like you have others

Solution-seeking – what behaviors can you lean on.

Step 8: Put Your Plan into Action

When we move through these steps and put them into practice, we:

make connections and build a more robust social support network,

avoid the tendency to view any crisis as a learning moment and not an impossible task,

we take decisive action that helps us move forward in the face of challenges,

we keep things in perspective,

we look for opportunities instead of disappointments,

and we tend to take better care of ourselves.

Remember, each of us has the power to build our resiliency. It’s not a trait; it’s a behavior. And like any other behavior, it has to be practiced to become a habit.

Thank you to Gabrielle from Texas for the question! Don’t forget to submit yours, as it may be selected for the next Get Your Life Together, Girl Mindset Reset! Email them to getyourlifetogethergirlnow@gmail.com.

I challenge you to build a resilience plan! Doing so is an essential life tool that helps elevate and reset your mindset.   

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