Loosening the Hold of Hidden Anxiety

Anxiety! We all experience it, yet it often goes unnoticed or misunderstood. Today, we are talking about the hidden signs of anxiety, the intricate cycle it creates, and, most importantly, how we can interrupt that cycle and bring ourselves back to a place of calm.

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is more than just feeling nervous before a big event. It’s a complex emotional and physical reaction to perceived threats — threats that are often invisible or intangible. It’s that nagging feeling of unease, worry, and fear. At its core, anxiety is about forecasting a series of events without having all the information, which, as you can imagine, is an impossible task for the brain to handle.

This uncertainty is what throws our bodies and minds out of balance.

When the brain detects a potential threat, even if it’s not immediately apparent, it triggers a cascade of responses. The heart begins to race, breathing becomes shallow, and thoughts spiral. Your body is simply trying to protect you, to keep you safe, but in doing so, it often ends up creating more stress. This stress doesn’t just disappear after the threat passes. It lingers. The feeling of being overwhelmed frequently remains long after the event itself is over.

But here’s the thing — anxiety doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. We often think of anxiety in terms of panic attacks or extreme worry, but anxiety can manifest in many subtle and hidden ways. Today, I want to break down those hidden signs, helping you recognize when anxiety might be quietly affecting your life, even if you’re not fully aware.

First, The Anxiety Cycle

Let’s talk about how these signs feed into each other and create an unrelenting cycle of anxiety. This cycle often looks something like this:

Trigger: Something in your environment triggers anxiety — it could be a deadline, an interaction with a colleague, or even something as subtle as uncertainty about the future. This trigger takes the mind and emotional body back to an event where you’ve given the brain a list of instructions on how to handle it. You begin to react the same you did the first time it happened.

Physical Response: Your body reacts — your heart races, your muscles tense, your thoughts spiral, and you feel overwhelmed.

Negative Thought Patterns: Once the anxiety has been triggered, your mind starts to generate negative thoughts. These might include worst-case scenarios or irrational fears. Remember, the thought leads to a feeling, the feeling validates or disregards the thought, and an action is taken. An action can be the next thought.

Avoidance or Coping Mechanisms: To deal with the discomfort, you might try to avoid the situation entirely or use unhealthy coping mechanisms like procrastination, overeating, or alcohol consumption.

Increased Anxiety: Avoiding the situation or using coping mechanisms doesn’t solve the problem; it just reinforces the cycle. The more you avoid, the more anxious you feel, and the stronger the anxiety becomes.

Reinforcement: This cycle continues to feed itself. Each time you avoid or respond negatively to anxiety, it gets stronger, making it more difficult to break free.

Now, let’s talk about many hidden signs.  

Hidden Signs of Anxiety

Chronic Tiredness or Fatigue: Many people with anxiety experience unexplained tiredness. It’s not always the kind of tiredness solved with a good night’s sleep. It takes a lot of energy when your body and mind are constantly on high alert, even in the background. If you’re feeling mentally drained but haven’t done anything that should logically exhaust you, anxiety might be at play.

Frequent Irritability or Short Temper: Do you snap at people for no reason? Or feeling irritated over small things that usually wouldn’t bother you? Anxiety can lead to mood swings and irritability. The constant underlying tension makes it harder to cope with everyday stresses, leading to quicker frustration.

Muscle Tension or Physical Discomfort: Anxiety doesn’t just live in your mind — it shows up in your body. One of the most common physical signs of anxiety is muscle tension. This might manifest as tightness in your shoulders, jaw clenching, or even stomachaches. If you find yourself regularly experiencing physical discomfort without an apparent cause, it could be a sign that anxiety is affecting you physically.

Perfectionism and Overthinking: Anxiety often manifests as a need for perfection. When you’re anxious, you might believe every detail must be perfect or something catastrophic will happen. This feeling can lead to endless overthinking, replaying conversations or situations in your head, and fearing that you missed something important. The result? Paralysis by analysis — you become stuck in a cycle of overthinking without taking action.

Avoidance and Procrastination: Have you ever put off a task, only to feel guilty or anxious about it later? This is another sneaky sign of anxiety. The fear of failure can lead to procrastination. Instead of facing the situation head-on, you might avoid it altogether, increasing anxiety in the long run.

Trouble Sleeping or Staying Asleep: Sleep disturbances are another subtle indicator of anxiety. Whether you struggle to fall asleep, wake up frequently during the night, or have trouble staying asleep, anxiety often has a way of creeping into your sleep patterns. Your mind, unable to turn off, continues to race long after you’ve gotten into bed.

Excessive Need for Control: Anxiety can also manifest as an intense desire to control your environment. You might feel an overwhelming need to plan everything perfectly or manipulate situations so they unfold as you envision. This is the anxiety response — trying to create predictability in an inherently unpredictable world.

Social Withdrawal: Anxiety can make you feel like you’re constantly “on edge” in social situations. If you’ve been avoiding social events, canceling plans, or feeling like you can’t handle being around others, these may be signs that anxiety is quietly guiding your behavior. It’s easier to stay home than face the discomfort of/from social interactions.

Perceived Disconnection from Reality: This is one of the more alarming and less talked about signs of anxiety: dissociation. In extreme cases, anxiety can cause you to feel disconnected from the world around you, as though you’re watching your life from the outside. It’s a protective mechanism of the mind, trying to shield you from overwhelming emotions, but it can leave you feeling isolated and out of control.

A checklist can be a helpful tool for identifying whether you’re dealing with hidden anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t always manifest in obvious ways like panic attacks or excessive worry. Sometimes, it shows up in subtle physical, emotional, or behavioral changes. Here’s a comprehensive checklist that you can go through to assess whether hidden anxiety might be affecting you:

Physical Signs of Hidden Anxiety:

Unexplained muscle tension or tightness (especially in the neck, shoulders, or jaw).

Frequent headaches or migraines with no apparent physical cause.

Chronic fatigue or feeling mentally and physically drained, even after adequate rest.

Digestive issues (e.g., nausea, diarrhea, constipation) that seem unrelated to food or illness.

Sleep disturbances including difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless sleep.

Racing heartbeat or palpitations that seem to occur without exertion.

Shallow or rapid breathing, especially when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

Frequent bouts of dizziness or lightheadedness.

Cold hands or feet often indicate a nervous system response to stress.

Emotional Signs of Hidden Anxiety:

Excessive worry or feeling like you’re constantly anticipating something bad happening, even if there’s no apparent reason.

Difficulty concentrating or feeling like your thoughts are scattered, often unable to focus for long periods.

Feelings of restlessness or being on edge, even when nothing in particular is happening that trigger those emotions.

Irritability or a tendency to snap at others, even over small things.

Feelings of being overwhelmed by daily tasks or obligations that you would typically handle with ease.

Negative thinking patterns (e.g., catastrophizing, thinking the worst will happen, feeling trapped in your situation).

Constantly seeking reassurance from others about situations or decisions.

Avoidance behavior and Emotional Numbness, avoiding certain people, places, or situations because you’re anxious about how they might make you feel.

Fear of being judged or criticized by others can make you excessively self-conscious or perfectionistic.

Behavioral Signs of Hidden Anxiety:

Procrastination or avoidance of tasks due to fear of failure or fear of how difficult they might be.

Perfectionism, a constant need to be flawless in your work or personal life, often tied to a fear of judgment or making mistakes.

Overthinking or ruminating about decisions, conversations, or events, unable to let go of past thoughts.

Need to control everything — a tendency to try to micromanage aspects of life in an attempt to feel more secure.

Frequent checking behaviors, such as repeatedly checking your phone, messages, or emails for reassurance.

Difficulty making decisions, even for minor things, due to overthinking and fear of making the wrong choice.

Changes in eating habits, like eating too much or too little due to stress or as a coping mechanism.

Social withdrawal, avoiding social situations or isolating yourself out of fear of being judged or criticized.

Perfectionist tendencies — constantly feeling the need to be “on” and perform at your best, even in casual settings.

Over-apologizing for things that don’t need an apology, driven by a fear of disappointing or upsetting others.

Cognitive and Thought Patterns:

Catastrophic thinking — imagining the worst possible outcome in any given situation.

Difficulty staying in the present moment — often feeling like you’re living in the past or constantly worrying about the future.

A constant need for validation or approval from others, driven by fear of being unworthy.

Frequent thoughts of “what ifs,” where you focus on worst-case scenarios rather than potential solutions.

Self-doubt or feeling inadequate, despite evidence to the contrary.

Hyperawareness of potential threats or risks, even in everyday situations.

Difficulty with self-compassion — constantly being hard on yourself or feeling like you’re not doing enough.

Tendency to compare yourself to others in a way that leaves you feeling inferior or like you’re falling short.

Behavioral Coping Mechanisms (Potential Red Flags):

Engaging in unhealthy distractions, such as excessive social media use, watching TV, or binge-eating is a way to avoid dealing with anxiety.

Over-exercising or pushing your body too hard is a way to “escape” anxiety or manage overwhelming feelings.

Substance use (e.g., alcohol, drugs, caffeine, or nicotine) as a way to self-medicate or temporarily alleviate anxiety.

Perfectionism as a shield — focusing on getting everything exactly right to avoid dealing with deeper emotional discomfort.

Excessive planning or over-organization in an attempt to feel a sense of control over chaotic or uncertain situations.

Constantly checking for approval or reassurance from others to feel secure.

Over-committing to tasks or obligations in an attempt to keep busy and avoid facing uncomfortable emotions.

Additional Considerations:

You often “feel on edge” but can’t identify why.

Others have told you you’re anxious or tense, but you didn’t realize it.

You have a hard time relaxing or taking time off for yourself without feeling guilty.

Your anxiety is affecting your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues, but you haven’t yet recognized it as anxiety.

You find yourself constantly “doing” — always busy but never satisfied or fulfilled. Those with high levels of trauma from childhood will have this experience as well.

What To Do If You Check Several Items Off This List:

If you notice several items that resonate with your experiences, it may indicate that you’re dealing with hidden anxiety. Here are some next steps you can take:

Acknowledge and accept it: The first step in managing anxiety is recognizing that it’s there. It’s okay to admit that you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

Reach out for support: Talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you explore your anxiety in a safe, supportive environment.

Start practicing relaxation techniques: Tools like deep breathing, mindfulness, or yoga can help lower your baseline anxiety level.

Create a self-care routine: Ensure you’re taking time for activities that nourish your mind and body, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.

Monitor your lifestyle: Consider factors that might contribute to anxiety, such as poor diet, lack of sleep, or too much caffeine. Addressing these factors can help reduce anxiety.

Seek professional help: If you feel like your anxiety is significantly impacting your life, it’s essential to consult a mental health professional who can offer guidance and support.

Breaking the Cycle: Techniques for Calming the Nervous System

So, what can we do to break this cycle and return to a calm place? Fortunately, there are several techniques we can use to interrupt the anxiety cycle and reset our nervous system.

Breathing Exercises One of the simplest and most effective ways to calm anxiety is through controlled breathing. By practicing deep belly breathing, you can signal to your nervous system that it’s time to relax. Try breathing in for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for a count of four activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps reduce the fight-or-flight response.

Grounding Techniques Grounding exercises can help you reconnect to the present moment and break the cycle of racing thoughts. One technique is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise: name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This brings you back into your body and helps shift your focus away from anxious thoughts.

Mindfulness and Meditation Mindfulness practices encourage you to observe your thoughts without judgment. By simply noticing when anxious thoughts arise and allowing them to pass, rather than engaging with them, you can reduce their power over you. Meditation, even for just 5–10 minutes a day, has been shown to significantly reduce anxiety.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation As anxiety often manifests physically, progressive muscle relaxation can be a great way to release built-up tension. Starting from your toes, tense each muscle group in your body for a few seconds, then slowly release. This helps reset the body’s physical response to stress and promotes relaxation.

Reframing Negative Thoughts can help you challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced and realistic thoughts. Try asking yourself: What evidence do I have that this thought is true? What’s another way to view this situation? Th

Setting Boundaries If anxiety is related to a feeling of being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities or commitments, it’s crucial to learn how to set healthy boundaries. It’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to ask for help.

 “The 5-Minute Window” Strategy (Interrupt the Spiral)

This is an excellent tool for when anxiety feels like it’s snowballing, especially if it’s tied to rumination or racing thoughts. The goal is to interrupt the spiral before it gets out of control.

Step-by-Step:

• When you feel anxiety starting to build, set a timer for 5 minutes.

• During this time, allow yourself to fully engage with the anxiety. Let your mind race, acknowledge your worries, and give yourself permission to feel the discomfort.

• Once the timer goes off, consciously decide to shift your focus. Engage in a different activity that requires your full attention: take a walk, start a conversation, do some light stretching, or focus on a creative task.

• The idea is to give yourself permission to experience the anxiety but not to let it dominate your day. After the 5-minute window, you deliberately disengage.

This method can help reduce the intensity of anxiety because it allows you to experience it without letting it take over.

The “Anchor” Technique (Create Calm on Command)

This method creates an “anchor” in your mind — a sensory cue to return to in moments of anxiety to ground you and bring your body back to a calm state.

Step-by-Step:

• Choose a physical action that you can do in a discreet moment when you’re feeling anxious (e.g., tapping your fingers together, rubbing your thumb and index finger together, touching your thumb to your palm).

• Anchor this action to a time when you were feeling completely calm and at peace. Think of a time when you felt relaxed, safe, and confident. As you recall that moment, perform the physical action.

• Repeat the action during moments of calm to “train” your body and mind to associate that anchor with a state of relaxation.

• When anxiety strikes, use that same physical action to instantly recall the previous moment’s calmness instantly.

This is a powerful tool because it helps you instantly “reset” your emotional state, bringing your body back to a state of calm, even in stressful situations.

The “Float” Technique (Get Out of Your Head)

This method involves using your imagination to “float” above your anxiety, allowing you to gain a perspective that helps you detach and release overwhelming emotions.

Step-by-Step:

1.   Sit or lie down in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2.   Take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

3.   Imagine yourself floating above your current situation. Picture yourself above your body, observing everything around you — whether it’s a stressful environment, situation, or anxiety.

4.   As you float above, remind yourself that you are safe and that anxiety, while intense, is temporary and will pass.

5.   Detach emotionally by observing the anxiety from this detached, higher perspective. It’s no longer something you are inside of but something you are simply watching from above.

6.   Gently bring your focus back to your breath and allow yourself to return to the present moment, feeling lighter and more at ease.

This technique helps you distance yourself from the emotional intensity of anxiety, offering a calming sense of perspective.

The “Power Pose” (Body Language Recalibration)

Your body language can have a direct impact on your emotional state. Adopting “power poses” — open, expansive body language — can shift your physiological state and help reduce anxiety.

Step-by-Step:

1.   Stand tall with your feet hip-width apart, your chest open, and your arms at your sides or on your hips (like a superhero).

2.   Look up, lifting your chin and broadening your shoulders to open your body posture.

3.   Hold this position for 2-5 minutes while breathing deeply and focusing on your feelings. Imagine that you are embodying strength, confidence, and calm.

4.   Notice how your anxiety levels shift. Power posing can make you feel more grounded, capable, and in control.

This technique, based on research by social psychologist Amy Cuddy, uses body posture to change your hormonal state, increasing confidence and reducing stress.

 I want to remind you that anxiety is a normal human experience, but it doesn’t have to control your life. Recognizing the hidden signs of anxiety is the first step in breaking free from its grip. The cycle of anxiety may feel overwhelming, but with the right tools and techniques, you can regain control of your body and mind.

Remember, it’s not about getting rid of anxiety completely — it’s about learning how to manage it and not let it dictate your every move. Practicing mindfulness, breathing techniques, and challenging negative thought patterns can create a sense of balance and calm in your life.

I hope you take away some valuable insights and strategies to support your mental and emotional well-being. You’re not alone on this journey; with small steps, we can all start to feel more centered and at ease.

Take care, and be kind to yourself.

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, Master-Level Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a meditation teacher. She is also the creator and voice behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2025. No part or whole of this blog or website may be used without written, expressed permission. Listen to the Get Your Life Together, Girl Podcast on every major platform.