Feel It, Heal it: The Path to Healing Through Self-Permission
HEY Beautiful,
We need to talk about your power! We need to discuss what I believe can transform not just your emotional state but your entire life—that topic is self-permission. Now, so we are on the same page, the self-permission I’m talking about is the kind of permission we give ourselves to heal, feel, and process our emotions in ways that foster actual growth. It’s about validating your experiences, honoring pain, and acknowledging that healing can only come through confronting what you’ve been avoiding. It’s about breaking the habit of suppressing emotions because we cannot address what we will not acknowledge.
It sounds simple, right? Just give yourself permission to feel. Yet, that simple act of permission can be far more challenging than we imagine.
So, let’s look deeper at how acknowledging our emotions—no matter how uncomfortable they may seem—creates a path toward healing. Ultimately, giving yourself permission to feel opens the door to emotional release and growth.
The Journey of Feeling Your Feelings
You might think, “I already know I need to feel my feelings. But how?” We live in a culture that teaches us to hide discomfort, push it down, ignore it, and move on. And while that might seem like the quickest way to get through difficult moments, it doesn’t work in the long run. Our emotions are not objects we can hide away; they are energy that needs to move. If we trap that energy inside, it festers.
So, how do we feel our feelings, not just in theory but in practice?
The first step is recognizing that emotions are not things to be feared, are not to be defeated, and are certainly not to be dismissed. Emotions are messages. They are parts of yourself, impulses from the brain and emotional body, trying to get your attention—whether that’s joy, sorrow, anger, fear, or any other emotion. Each emotional impulse carries information that can help you understand yourself, needs, and desires.
The Power of Emotional Awareness
We have to start by acknowledging emotions as they arise, without judgment. What does it mean to recognize and acknowledge an emotion? It’s not just about naming it—“I feel sad” or “I feel angry”—it’s about sinking into it. It’s about resisting the urge of trying to change or force the emotion away.
Exercise #1: Feel it
One of the most powerful ways to bring awareness to your emotions is through the body. Emotions don’t just exist in our minds—they manifest physically in our bodies.
Close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Now, slowly scan your body, from your toes to the top of your head. Pay attention to any tension or discomfort. Notice where you might be holding emotional weight. Is there tightness in your chest, your stomach, your shoulders? Are you clenching your jaw or holding your breath?
Take a moment to notice—not to judge or try to fix anything.
As you go through this process, ask yourself: What emotion could this physical sensation be pointing to? Perhaps the tightness in your chest is related to anxiety, or the heaviness in your stomach could be related to grief. This exercise helps you become more aware of the link between your emotions and your physical state, allowing you to tune into your feelings without acting on them immediately.
I had a client a few years ago who would pinch her shoulder up by her ear when she became uncomfortable. After I brought this to her attention, I had her bring her awareness to her shoulders throughout the day. When she noticed the upward movement, it was a sign that she was dealing with emotional discomfort. From there, she was able to lean in, ask herself questions, feel her way through the moment, and get to the root.
Exercise #2: Get Down To Just The Facts
If you are processing, you must take the emotion out. Emotion is not fact and can cloud our judgment. Instead, get down to only what has occurred to clear the way for healing.
This happened, then this happened, and then this happened. This is a healthy way to help you process.
The Impact of Suppression
Now, let’s talk about the impact of suppressing our emotions. Suppressing doesn’t make the emotion disappear; it only pushes them deeper into your subconscious, where they can distort and come out in unhealthy behaviors. Think of it like shaking a bottle of soda—pressing emotions down is like building internal pressure. Eventually, something’s going to give. For some of us, that might look like a sudden emotional outburst, breakdown, or feeling utterly disconnected from ourselves.
But here’s the paradox: When we let go of trying to control or suppress our emotions, we give them the space they need to move through us. The only way through anything is through it. Hold on to that understanding.
You see, suppressed emotions accumulate energy, but acknowledged emotions release that energy, allowing us to heal. Healing is the process of unburdening ourselves of this emotional weight, of permitting ourselves to let go of what no longer serves us.
Again, I say, the only way through is through.
Step Into Your Pain: The Healing Power of Facing It
A key part of healing is the willingness to step into pain. Yes, you heard that right—step into it. Most of us try to avoid our pain because it feels too overwhelming or too big to handle. But when we push it away, we give it more power. It grows more prominent, and we become smaller.
Yet, when we meet our pain, sit with it, and allow ourselves to feel it deeply, it loses its power over us. It becomes just another emotion, another part of our human experience. There’s something transformative about confronting your pain instead of running from it. This doesn’t mean wallowing in suffering or rehashing the details of trauma—it means simply allowing yourself to be with it, acknowledging that it exists, and that it is part of your journey.
Exercise #3: The Pain Letter or Brain Dump
One exercise I often recommend is writing a “Pain Letter.” This is a letter to yourself where you write about the pain you’re experiencing—no filter, no judgment, just honesty. The only rule is to express everything you feel about the situation, the person, the loss, the fear, the anger... Write freely without worrying about grammar or structure. Let the words pour across the page. I highly recommend using pen and paper, not your phone or computer, as we want the brain to recognize the healing act of writing and processing. This is not necessarily about finding solutions but acknowledging what’s within. Of course, often resolutions/solutions are found in the writing.
Once the letter is written, read it over. You may be surprised at how much clarity you find when you give yourself permission to express what has been pushed aside. You might notice feelings of relief or even a sense of liberation. It’s a crucial step toward owning your experience and starting to heal it.
The Role of Self-Compassion
Perhaps one of the most critical elements of this healing process is self-compassion. Healing begins when we stop judging ourselves for feeling what we feel. This notion might sound simple, but is often the most challenging part. We’ve been conditioned to feel shame around vulnerability, to believe that our emotions are weaknesses or things to be fixed.
True healing requires treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. It means saying to ourselves, “It’s okay to feel this way.” “It’s okay to hurt.” “I am not weak for being human.” By embracing that compassion, we allow ourselves to begin the difficult but essential process of letting go of what has been holding us back.
Exercise #4: The Compassionate Mirror
One of the most profound exercises to cultivate self-compassion is the “Compassionate Mirror” exercise. Stand in front of a mirror—take a few moments to really look at yourself. Offer yourself words of understanding, support, and love.
You might say things like: I see your pain and understand it’s hard. I am here for you. You are worthy of love and healing. You are doing the best you can, and that’s enough. Speak these words with sincerity.
The Power of Letting Go and Creating a New Self
When we permit ourselves to feel our emotions—without shame or fear, we free ourselves from the chains holding us back. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting; it means releasing the past’s hold on your present and future. It means recognizing that healing is not linear, and there’s no shame in taking time to process.
By letting go of what no longer serves us, we make space for a new self to emerge—one that is more authentic, empowered, and compassionate. A self who no longer runs from pain, but instead, moves through it with courage.
Conclusion
As we conclude, I want you to take away this core message: You cannot address what you will not acknowledge. To heal it, you must feel it.
Healing begins with acknowledging your feelings. Healing is about giving yourself permission to be whole, to be human, and to be fully alive in every moment, no matter how hard.
Only when you begin to step into the hard can you claim a new level of the self.
You are worthy of more.
Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, Master-Level Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a meditation teacher. She is also the creator and voice behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.
Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2024. No part or whole of this blog or website may be used without written, expressed permission.