Becoming Non-Reactive
HEY Beautiful,
I have been doing a lot of thinking. A few things that have been rolling through my head are the things that cause us so many issues in our human experience. Having gone through my healing journey nearly a decade ago, I’ve been reflecting on two things that owned me the most: my connections/reflections to moments and how I spoke to myself. I’ve been reflecting because these are still the TWO most significant issues, aside from trauma, that I watch the people I work with go through as well.
Let me put this in your thought bank: Your experiences are teachers. Your inner voice is the direction manual to those experiences.
Read that again.
Your experiences are teachers. Your inner voice is the direction manual to those experiences.
Understanding your feelings and gaining control of your thoughts is this week’s Tool of the Week.
Negative emotional reactions are easy to jump to when things become tense or complicated. A moment finds us; it doesn’t feel good, our safety is seemingly rocked, and we react—it’s normal. Yet, there is a way out of the jump. Here are six steps to practice and use on the daily! When you practice the steps in non-reactive moments, they become a standard pathway of your thinking.
Step 1: Go Over What Just Happened
What just happened? Get down to the facts—this occurred, then this, then that—facts only! The words, “I think…” “I feel…” are not allowed. As you go through the event, speak it aloud. Speaking the facts aloud helps make the moment less personal, less reactive, and more fact-based.
Step 2: Ask Yourself: Has This Happened Before?
Meaning, are you triggered? Is how you feeling/thinking a rehearsed response? The answer is fundamental to know. If you are triggered and reacting to an old event, you can stop and see that you may be asking someone or something to hold space for feelings that do not belong to them.
Step 3: What Advice Would You Give A Friend?
Creating space is needed to get out of a thought spiral/emotional reaction. Creating space by flipping the perspective from “I” to “Someone else” is extremely helpful.
Step 4: Can You Accept the Moment & Permit Yourself to Do What Works Best For You?
Can you see the moment for what it is? Can you make peace with the moment? Understand, making peace doesn’t mean you have to love it; it means you are willing to witness and accept it as it is now.
Step 5: Think Short-Term/Long-Term
What do you foresee the outcome being in both the long and short term? Does that change how you may approach the situation?
Step 6: Act Accordingly
Once you have 1-5 clearly outlined and understood in your mind, act accordingly to what you need/want.
You will mess this process up, and that’s perfectly okay! We simply want to put this into practice to help us gain control over ourselves. I hope this helps! Use it daily and watch as things change. If you want to learn more, check out: Episode 280: How You Speak to Yourself is Your Life's Instruction Manual
Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, Master-Level Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a meditation teacher. She is also the creator and voice behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.
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