What Are You Feeding? Purpose, The Negativity Shift, and Achieving Your Goals

Let’s mix it up. I have a story to share with you.

You may have stumbled across this Cherokee parable before, read it, thought for a brief moment about its striking profundity, and then moved on. Imaginably, that’s why I feel so compelled to share it with you again or perhaps for the very first time.

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil: anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

-Author unknown 

The one you feed…

At some level, whether deep or barely scratching the surface, each of us is acutely aware of the truths in this story. Yet, collectively, we’ve tripped into a spin cycle of negative thinking, some thanks in part to COVID-19. It’s also safe to say that the wolf of negativity can be found in every dusty corner of our human experience, 24/7, 365, regardless of a world pandemic. As the moral goes, what we feed is what grows.

It’s no secret that the right attitude has the power to trump fear, inaction, and limiting beliefs. This idea is the foundation of everything I believe and teach, because what we bring to the table at the start of each new day can significantly enhance or flat-out demolish the perimeters we’ve set for ourselves and the situations we face.

This story and line of thought came back to me recently when a dear friend sent me an S.O.S. text. You know the kind—the subtle “Hey, how are you?” followed by an on-slot of information that amounts to exceptional distress. Instead of sending a text and walking away from the phone, I dialed her number. It was just as I had suspected; she was feeding the dark ‘wolf.’ 

My lips stretched across my cheeks as she began to speak. I knew how the conversation would go. I’ve had this same conversation more times than I can count. Heck, I, myself, have stood in the mirror and fed the dark wolf more loads of self-doubt, self-loathing, resentment, more “woe is me” B.S. than I care to actually admit. Yes, even I have done this! We’re all capable. Understand, I wasn’t smiling because of her pain, quite the opposite. I was smiling because experience has taught me a hard truth—the human mind has a great way of creating problems in places that answers already exist. In the end, which attitude or I should say which wolf, you bring to the fight makes all the difference.

My dear, sweet friend had lost belief in herself because her circumstances had turned hard. Her faith in many “things” had tumbled and been buried in fear, worry, inaction, and the nastiest of phrases, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ Every negative emotion, whose sole purpose is to pull us off our path, had deeply rooted itself in her mind, heart, and belief system.

It’s amazing what happens when we allow negativity to take over. It places blinders over our eyes and sets in darkness. This attitude becomes a profound experience where every beautiful, tangible thing already working for us becomes overlooked.

After listening carefully, my questions to my friend were simple. “Where is the girl I know? Why are you being held captive by inaction and fear when you already have everything you need right at your fingertips? The person I know, the person that came into my life, was on fire to create the life she had been nudged toward for many years, but where—is—she?”

“I don’t know,” she answered.

In a pause of silence, I let her think about the questions and her answer. As the silence became painful, I swiftly began feeding her other wolf—the white, pure, beaming wolf, with every positive perspective for the negative tick list she had thrown at me. At that moment, she began to listen to what I’ve come to understand as the magic formula for life. Somewhere between the words and breath, the blinder of pessimism slowly rolled away.

You are probably saying, “Magic formula? What is it? How did you discover it? Why aren’t you sharing it now?”

I am.

The magic formula, the secret, to creating the best life is precisely what the ancient tale spoke of—perspective. It’s the understanding that what we feed grows. That isn’t to say things won’t happen. They will and do. It’s to say the secret is how you show up to those “things” that genuinely dictate the outcome. These are the same words I’ve said to every audience I’ve ever spoken to at one point or another.

Still aren’t clear? Think about your passion and desires. What do you want in life? What’s the soul-churning desire that pulls you out of bed each morning? What do you tell yourself about those dreams?

Evil wolf: My dreams will never come true. I continue to work hard. Yet, nothing ever goes right. I’m failing. I’ve tried so hard, but still, nothing. It’s best if I just give up.

The blinders engage—the stress mounts. The negativity bleeds into every aspect of your life. You give your power away, sink into inaction, and give into the darkness. It’s a terribly isolating place to be.

Good wolf: I’m working so hard. Each day I wake up, and I am filled with gratitude to work toward my passion. I will never give up, no matter how hard the journey becomes. I’ve got something to give, and I’ll continue regardless if it only touches one person or ten-thousand. This is my passion. This is my purpose.

Wait.

Are you shaking your head?

I swear I hear you saying, “All of this is harder than it sounds! You don’t know me. You don’t know the battles I’ve been fighting. You don’t know how hard this life has been. You don’t know the injustice and unfairness that has been dumped into my lap!” Wrong. I do.

Maybe I don’t know the way your story has been weaved together or the chain of events that has landed you deep in the dark wolf’s jaws, but in the end, there are only so many human emotions available to experience. Our stories may be different, but the roots, the lessons, all generally amount to the same universal language. So I ask you again, are you willing to be dragged into the dark forest, consumed, and lost forever?

Remember the story: The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Which wolf wins?”

You have a purpose. That nudge, that wild, wicked scream of “I want to do this,” exists in you for a reason. It’s your calling. It’s where attitude and belief tow the road and meet talent along the way to create an unstoppable force. Removing the negatives opens an infinite supply of action and reaction. So many give up on their dreams because it’s easier than doing the positive work. So many allow their excuses (negatives) to control their lives. They trick themselves into believing that the desires they have are not actually meant for them. If things aren’t happening for you, if the magic formula feels elusive, it is because that is what you are feeding.

If you don’t like the answer, the results, this piece of your journey—change it. What do you have to lose? You are your own haymaker. Set the goal. Put it on paper. Tell yourself all the reasons why you are worthy. Remind yourself that this goal, no matter how lofty, is achievable. The very idea of a goal removes the negatives at hello. Put intention toward it and then get to meditating on it. Talk to your best friend. Do whatever it takes to make it work for you. Then, get out of your own way. Say hello to the white wolf, befriend it, and make it your way of showing up, my friend.

As I said to my friend who had begun to slow down, to breathe, and befriend her own power, “No one can do the work for you. You are the only one in control of how this turns out. It isn’t the other people involved. Nor is the things that have happened so far. You are on a journey. The only time that journey ends is in death or when you say it does. So, what will it be?”

This life is meant to be epic. Anyone who has ever shown up and made their dreams manifest into reality never had a clear pathway to the goal, but what they did have was the good wolf on their side. It’s a matter of fostering the attitude, a shift of focus, and a zoned intention to release the dark wolf.

I hear you still whispering, “But how?”

Close your eyes and draw a picture in your head. On the right side, it’s dark. A wolf as black as midnight stands, jaws snarled, ready to pounce. Its eyes dangerously peer in your direction. One false move, and you will be lost. On the left, the sun begins to dawn against the blackness. A wolf as pure as the untouched snow emerges into the dawning light. Its beautiful presence captivates every emotion pulsing within you. It feels and looks like joy. It breathes peace, love, and profound resounding hope into every ounce of your being. It sticks emotions like serenity and humility to your bones with each moving step forward. This pureness embodies kindness and benevolence, empathy, generosity, and an unyielding truth that finds a way to persist despite how many times the dark wolf tries to paw forward. The next step is yours. Both wolves are starving. Their overall existence and yours depends solely on which wolf you feed. It really is that simple.

So, what will it be—light or dark?

Danielle A. Vann is a 19-time international award-winning author, a certified Life Coach with a specialty certification in Mindfulness, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and a certified meditation coach. She is also the creator and voice behind Get Your Life Together, Girl. To learn more, visit the bio page, and follow @Getyourlifetogethergirl on Instagram.

Copyright of Author Danielle A. Vann 2020