Epi 69: Breaking Family Cycles with Therapist Somiari Fubara

When we talk about being cycle breakers or growing, that ability to set boundaries, to hold those boundaries, within a system that wants to guilt trip you and make you feel like you feel you are better than everybody and how dare you, takes deep courage.

• Somiari Fubara

Once we reach adulthood, it’s almost guaranteed that we’ve run into or deeply experienced some form of trauma. This is especially true within our family units and our generational upbringing.

There’s an incredible moment of healing happening globally. We are in a time where so many are focusing on breaking cycles and finding healing that best supports their lives. This conversation and movement are so profoundly needed as one person’s healing changes everything beyond them once they put their healing story into action.

This week I sat down to have one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on the Get Your Life Together, Girl Podcast with therapist Somiari Fubara. Together we talk about breaking family cycles, abuse, trauma, the pain, the hardships, the victories, and how we can own our path without it costing us who we are, and want we want to create for ourselves. This is raw, unfiltered conversation with the end goal of motivating you to start healing and ultimately build the life of your dreams regardless of the opinions of others, especially those that differ within your bloodline.  

Key Takeaways:

00:00 Introduction

02:19 Somiari Fubara’s why and story begins

05:20 What most do not understand is that most therapist, counselors, clinicians, and coaches do their own healing work

08:07 Cycles, generational trauma, and breaking the system of how our trauma continues   

11:00 The mind, body, soul: why spirituality must be within the healing   

12:50 Two life-changing questions: “What has happened through you?” and “How is your heart?”

16:23 Holding space, emotional intelligence, and your definition of your emotions

18:42 “Borrowing trouble gap”

19:52  Where people get stuck in their emotional trauma within the cycles

26:00 The struggle of saying, “The cycle stops here!”   

27:17 Unlearning the feelings, thoughts, and perceptions of what others expect of us – the element of people-pleasing.  

30:57 What opinions actually are, and we have to redefine the definition

33:41 The punishment of rejection – the cocoon stage

37:11 Comfort zone stripping–don’t burn everything down

39:44 We are relational beings because the community is our safety

40:47 Boundaries are not always walls  

42:42 Narcissism and its impact on us

44:21 The new definition of trauma  

49:30 What we want to see in the world starts with the entire system  

51:19 You first – where self-care starts

54:26  Trusting your intuition and gaslighting

60:50 The power of taking your own hand and how to do it

64:11 How we find deep ownership to be a cycle breaker

68:05 Somiari’s three things  

Until we do the hard work and stop the cycles of abuse, pain, and trauma, we will never get to a place of complete healing. Without doing so, we will never arrive and meet our spiritual, mental, and emotional reasons for being. It is time for each of us to go into the silence as we discussed and find ourselves so that we may impact everything beyond us.  

If you want to dive deeper and continue learning from Somiari, you can follow her on Instagram @Somiaribella. You can also find out more about her at Somiari Fubara - Erika Malm.

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Until next time…be kind to yourself and others.