I often talk about trauma, what it is, and how it impacts our behavior. Still, unless you are sitting in private therapy sessions with me or someone else, you rarely get a glimpse of the small nuances of trauma, especially trauma that occurs in childhood.

I sat down with fellow trauma expert, therapist, and author Riana Milne to talk about childhood trauma, mindset, and how we can take control of our lives despite what has happened in our past. Riana helps us understand that many things we do result from something we may need to clean up.

So, let’s dive right in!

After the brilliant conversation around Heart Coherence and living a heart-centered life, I wanted to give you the ability to get into coherence yourself. While the technique is simple, this is not something we learn—though we should. Getting into “The Zone” or bringing your attention to your heart rhythm and breath patterns allows us to tap into the heart’s intelligence. And it is so easy to do that after you practice this for just a few minutes each day, you can find coherence within about 60 seconds. In addition, by reaching this state, we release stress and stop draining emotions such as frustration, irritation, anxiety, and anger.

When you are coherent, your thoughts and emotions are balanced, and you experience ease and inner harmony.

Kim from Detroit wrote in and said, “Hey girl, I am in an interesting place in my life. My father recently passed away. At his funeral, many of my family members began to ask me about my feelings regarding his passing. He and I had a long history. There was abuse, mental, emotional, and physical. As I got older, we both acted like it didn’t exist so that I could keep him in my life. But as my family has begun to open up more, I am discovering what I remember and what they know do not add up. It’s as if I cannot access it in my memories. However, since that day and many of those conversations, I have noticed my behavior has been different. It’s almost as if I’ve reverted to things I used to do, like needing to prove myself, feeling like I need to be right, and having a hard time keeping my boundaries. I read one of your posts about trauma and how it shows up on Instagram, and now I’m questioning myself. How can we identify if we have unhealed trauma guiding our behaviors?”

We all want to be liked and loved—it’s a natural part of our desire and need for human connection. In fact, from the moment we are born, we begin seeking connection. However, while this desire is innate, there can be a tipping point where being liked and loved turns into seeking approval and validation through the assurance of others.

This kind of connection seeking is a hallmark trait of people-pleasing.

This week I sat down to have one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on the Get Your Life Together, Girl Podcast with therapist Somiari Fubara. Together we talk about breaking family cycles, abuse, trauma, the pain, the hardships, the victories, and how we can own our path without it costing us who we are, and want we want to create for ourselves. This is raw, unfiltered conversation with the end goal of motivating you to start healing and ultimately build the life of your dreams regardless of the opinions of others, especially those that differ within your bloodline.