Let’s face it; relationships can be hard. This is especially true when we are talking about long-term, romantic relationships. When we know our partners intimately, we often tend to forecast or assume we know what they are thinking, how they will respond, what they need, want, like, you get it, all the things. Yet, that assumption or lack of discovery questions is where we first trip up and cause our own problems.

Davida from Puerto Rico wrote, “Danielle, I’ve been married for twenty-one years. We love and respect one another. However, I’ve noticed in the last two years that our communication has changed. We both have grown so much individually and within our marriage. We both consider our marriage to be solid, but we’ve begun to notice minor disagreements on things like doing the dishes or what time our oldest child has to be home are turning into bigger issues than they should be. Is there something we can do to help guide one another through these moments? I find myself mad at him and want him to respond differently. He becomes mad at me. Sometimes we talk it out. Sometimes it sits and waits for a few days. It’s not a healthy cycle. What do you suggest?”

Your mind is a thought machine. Your emotions are its support system. They work together to create action. And yet, no matter what you’ve thought in the past or even uttered, the phrase and thought pattern of “It is what it is” is both flat wrong and oddly true, all at the same time!

Now, let’s get to it. Bonnie from Seattle, Washington, wrote, "Danielle, I am hoping you can help me. My partner and I were having a conversation about not being where we want to be just yet. He has a different mindset than I do. He is much more relaxed and I am much more focused on getting to the next level. He says I’m missing the journey. I say that cliché. Is it really that important to celebrate the small stuff? I know you talk about being present, intentional, and mindful, but does all that stuff really make a difference? I think I’m asking you to convince me I’m right and he is wrong. Is that bad?”