Epi 39: How to Create Lasting Emotional Security in Your Relationships

How would you rate your relationships? Would you say they are stable, safe, and grounded in true connectivity? Whether it’s the relationship with a spouse or partner, family, or even friends, there’s one element needed for our relationships to thrive. What is it? It’s emotional safety and security. Yet, most don’t realize there are grounded, actual steps needed to create trust-filled relationships with those we are closest. This week we’re diving into connectivity, what it takes to create an emotional safety net, and we’ll examine the small habits that have the power to shift any relationship from surviving to absolute thriving.

So, let’s shift our perspective and ability to become emotional sound.

Key Takeaways:

00:00 Introduction

02:10 Examining what the word connectivity means

03:05 There’s a physical response within the body when observing authentic connection. The brain reacts and floods our nervous system with good hormones such as serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine. How this impacts our overall health

04:35 An active experiment for connectivity

06:47 Each of us has different definitions of our emotions—which is one reason why connectivity is difficult to navigate

08:26 Revealing the 7 baseline ingredients needed for any relationship to be successful      

08:52 Ingredient #1 Honest Communication. No relationship can survive, thrive, or become more if there is a barrier to honest, upfront communication. 

09:40 How all four forms of communication impact our relationships: verbal, non-verbal, physical, and written

12:18 Ingredient #2 Empathy and Understanding. When we operate from a place of grounded understanding, we learn to meet others’ needs through a frame that not only works for them but it works for us, too.

12:26 Ingredient #3 Mutual Respect. The starting point of respect is comfort. It’s feeling safe enough to say what you need, doing the things that best serve you, and giving the same openness and ability for whoever you are engaging with to do the same from themselves.

13:20 Ingredient #4 Trust. Trust, just like respect, is earned through actions and knowing that our emotions, thoughts, feelings, physical self, and even our spiritual selves are safe with someone we ask to care for them.

14:55 Ingredient #5 Compromise. Compromise is found in allowing others to be who they are, as they are, while meeting them in the middle.

18:07 Ingredient #6 Appreciation. Relationships must have a level of gratitude, approval, and awareness to and within them. If we keep appreciation in the forefront, we allow safety, security, and peace to flow within our interactions.

18:57 Ingredient #7 Effort. Effort is far more intimate of an action than any material good will ever provide. Effort is about paying attention, meeting needs, creating a safe space, and making someone else feel that there is a place for them regardless of what is happening at the moment.  

20:23 Breaking down Emotional Security and Safety?

22:00 How emotional connectivity is rooted in belonging

23:34 The Matrix of Emotional Security:

·       You feel valued and valuable.

• You can indeed be yourself without that risk of judgment.

• You can show your weaknesses without being taken advantage of.

• You can share boldly and express yourself freely.

• You feel seen, heard, and understood.

• You experience unconditional love and friendship – this is true in all relationships, even romantic relationships.

• You feel respected, and you don’t need to prove yourself constantly.

• You know you are seen for your whole authentic self, and when you make mistakes or have bad days, your character isn’t questioned.

• There’s a confidence in the space to be you.

• You don’t overthink the presence of the relationship in your life because you can work through any ups and downs that occur.

25:43 The pitfalls of emotional security

27:20 How and why emotional security and safety can be broken quicker than formed.

31:29 Identifying emotional security sabotaging behaviors that threaten our emotional wellbeing

32:36 Threat #1 Defensiveness. How this behavior chips away at our relationships.

34:07 Threat #2 Sarcasms. Why we build emotional walls when the truth is undefined.  

35: 30 Threat #3 Throwing the Past in Someone’s Face.  

36:27 Threat #4 How Being Quick to Anger Breaks Trust.  

37:50 Threat #5 Overstepping Boundaries  

38:33 Threat #6 The Silent Treatment  

40:21 Abusive relationship patterns and habits that kill emotional safety from the get-go

43:28 The ins and outs of building a lasting emotional safety net

45:16 Step #1 Be Consistent

46:26 Step #2 Sharing our inner thoughts

48:22 Step #3 Being a positive influence for each other

49:15 Step #4 Expanding honesty

50:07 Step #5 Being open with our emotional baggage

51:00 Step #6 Taking responsibility for our actions

52:29 Additional habits to build emotional security in simple ways

55:10 Learning to lean into essential questions such as: What do you need at this moment? How can I support you?

58:25 5 simple interactions that change connectivity for the long-haul

·       Connect

·       Show interest

·       Notice little details

·       Be open to learning

·       Give

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