Epi 139: How to Let Go of a Painful Pattern – Mindset Reset

Our lives are filled with habits and patterns. Some serve us. Some don’t. Depending on where the pattern originated, whether trauma or learned, these patterns can own us and become the coping mechanisms that are our everyday behaviors. People don’t necessarily cling to old habits because they want to beat themselves up but rather because we humans stick to what’s familiar.

Karen Crosby wrote in and said, “Danielle, I’ve been working with a therapist for a little over two years now. She has helped me realize I have many painful patterns in my daily life that come out in the things I do and through how my relationships have been. Yet, she hasn’t been able to help me change or let go of these painful patterns. It’s extremely frustrating. I’m hoping you can help! You’ve helped me in many other ways through your podcast, blog, videos, and Instagram posts. Can you please help me understand how to let go of painful patterns? I feel like I continually do things that cause more harm than good, even though I know that is not what I want!

Karen, first, thank you for your kind words. And yes, let’s dive right in and talk about patterns!

We go right back to our brain’s number one job.

How bad we may feel about doing the same thing repeatedly doesn’t matter. When these are our patterns, we often feel less anxious when we follow the pattern and respond according to what we have used to soothe ourselves rather than fight the behaviors. So these habits and behaviors are practiced, which is why we do them. Think of it like a  reflex, your brain’s muscle memory, and they become how we cope.   

First step in letting go of old or painful patterns is to name it. What is it? What are you struggling with?

Step 2: Understand that in everything we do, there are layers of behavior. So, choose just one element of the habit and focus on it.

Step 3: Create physical distance.

Step 4: Set up your why.

Step 5: Get your plan outlined and then do the work.

Step 6: Prepare to experience obstacles and also be prepared to overcome them, too!

Step 7: Take baby steps.

Step 8: Give yourself permission to talk about it.

Step 9: Access forgiveness.

That’s what this all comes down to is choice. Speak this words and use them as your mantra in the release process: “I no longer choose to keep patterns in place that do not serve my life. I choose different. I choose better. I choose me!” I challenge each of you to lean into your choices. Thank you so much for your question, Karen. Let go. It’s an essential step into gaining new experiences.

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