In this episode of the Get Your Life Together, Girl podcast we delve into the revolutionary benefits of slowing down for our mental and physical health.

This conversation was sparked by my own step back from constant busyness. The insights I share here are the ways I did less to gain more!

Most of our suffering and upset come from how tightly we hold onto our perspectives as truths and the emotional, mental, and physical behaviors we cling to that never serve us, such as perfectionism, procrastination, negative self-talk, and avoidance. When we live from a space that prevents us from experiencing our life to the fullest, where we are closed to everything and open to nothing, we keep ourselves in a cycle that pushes against growth and ourselves.

There’s a term for this behavior, and it’s self-sabotage.

Today, you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into self-sabotage, what it is, and how it impacts us. Then we will move into a space where we learn to be observers of ourselves and our behaviors so that we may grow, find self-love, rest in inner peace, and fully thrive as the souls we are in our human experience.

Let me ask you a question I’ve been chasing the answer to for most of my life. Is there such a thing as broken people, or are there only broken moments?

Your answer may vary from the truth depending on where you are in your life, what you’ve experienced, and how you’ve processed what has been and what you believe will continue to occur.

Today, you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into redefining the idea of broken, and I’ll hand over something most of us are not taught, which is how to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is one conversation that shatters our traditional thinking and flips what you thought you needed to move forward on

There’s a dirty side to growth. There’s a dirty side to choosing yourself that many of us refuse to witness and discuss. The dirty side is that once we begin to prioritize ourselves, relationships change, even the ones we thought would last forever. When we focus on ourselves, we naturally see what works and what doesn’t. From there, another natural process begins—boundaries are put into place. This can turn our relationships on their heads.

That’s why we are taking a one-on-one deep dive into the dirty side of growth: what it is, how it impacts us, and how to stop it right now!

So, let’s dive right in.

This one is for moms. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It’s a delicate tightrope of never breaking a soul and being a thriving example of living as a complete soul. I said, delicate, because let’s face it, there’s not a single mom out there that hasn’t experienced mom guilt, shame, blame, upset, or stood in the mirror and told herself she is failing. How we talk to ourselves and any amount of negative measure impacts our self-love and how we show up for our children.

That’s why you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into mom guilt, what it is, how to release it, and giving ourselves the evidence that the kids will be alright.

So, let’s dive right in.

You are in control of your thoughts. It may not always seem like it, but it is the truth. Staying in the present moment, thinking in the present moment, allows us to create control and helps us connect emotionally to the correct feelings, thoughts, and experience at hand.

Joy LeShay from Lubbock, Texas, wrote in and said, “Danielle, I listened to your most recent podcast about impatience. I haven’t missed a single episode, but this one has got me twisted! I can’t get your voice out of my head. All I can think about is how I don’t live in the present moment, and I feel like I have an Olympic gold medal in impatience! You walked us through a few things to help with impatience and present-moment thinking, but no matter how hard I’ve tried, I find myself thinking about the past or putting everything on tomorrow. Help! It’s actually making me frustrated and more impatient. I know that wasn’t your intention. I’m missing something! It all seems so simple until I try to put it into action. You’ve helped me in so many ways; please help! How can I keep my thoughts in the present?

Who isn’t impatient every now and again? We all experience hiccups and inconveniences from time to time, and the minute things don’t go quick enough or the way we hoped and desire, impatience seems to be cued.

Some of life’s moments are largely unavoidable, however, what isn’t is the way we deal with our behavior through our unpleasant reactions.

That’s why today, you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into impatience, what it actually is, and how to build the practice of patience into your daily life. Without it, you struggle to mindfully be present, in a positive place, and practice gratitude. We’re breaking it all down.

Whether you realize it or not, you set the tone of how others will and do interact with you. When you respect yourself, it’s obvious, and most of the time, others around you show up with their respect for you on point. But what happens when you don’t trust yourself, when you don’t have self-respect? It seems pretty apparent that’s when trouble ensues.

Samantha from London, England, wrote in and said, “Danielle, I love your mindset resets, so I’m hoping you can help me with my mindset around self-respect. Here’s my backstory: I grew up with a great family. I don’t have a ton of trauma, at least not like what I’ve heard about on your show. I am married to a wonderful man. I’ve done okay in my career. My kids are healthy and seem pretty happy, but I still struggle with respecting myself. I’m not sure why. Maybe I don’t know what self-respect is. Can you help me see if I respect myself? I hope that doesn’t sound like a stupid request! What am I missing? Are there signs? If I could control this part of myself, I would have more space to grow, as you talk about.”

Fear, it’s a nasty word and an even nastier emotion. It keeps us caught in small boxes. It keeps us from showing up to our present life, future, relationships, jobs, families, you name it. If fear is present, you are not thriving to your fullest potential.

That’s why you and I are taking one-on-one deep dive into the fear of making the wrong choice! Fear is the biggest enemy to your decision-making, and it can hold you captive even when the stacks feel like life and death. So, if you have ever found yourself uncertain, feeling “stuck,” unable to move forward, or wishing someone else could choose for you, this is the conversation for you!

Let’s face it, the state of the world is less than desirable in many ways, yet there’s also much movement and change that’s empowering and life-changing. What is happening in the world at large echoes what happens in our lives. We see negativity and focus on it, but there is another option.

Melanie Lush, from Florida, wrote in and said, “Danielle, I recently found your podcast and listened to an episode where you were talking about focus. Before I listened to the episode, I thought I struggled with focus. But, now I realize I don’t struggle with my focus; I struggle with focusing on the wrong things! If something has a bit of drama to it, is negative, or I feel like I don’t have a choice about the situation, I will laser focus. I spend most of my day in negative thoughts. First, thank you for opening my eyes to this because now that I know, I want to change it. And two, how can I shift my focus to be on something positive or better?”

Have you ever questioned why healing hurts so bad? If you have, you are not alone. Healing from anything is a process and life dramatically transforms when we learn to let ourselves feel, accept, and grow through the things that happen to and through us.

When we offer resistance, we strengthen our pain and all the coping skills that come with it. Because this is so common, many refuse to do the healing work needed to help themselves heal and thrive.

That is why you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into why healing hurts, how to move through healing of any kind, and what must take place once we get to a place of acceptance and change.

So, let’s dive right in.

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions. It ranks right up there, at least in my mind, with grief. It’s a liar. It’s a thieve. And yet, its intention is good. It’s meant to keep you safe. But, for many, fear keeps them paralyzed, shut down, and living in a way that is strictly in survival and never touching the beauty of joy, which is, of course, a birthright to all of us.

Jill Gibson from New Hampshire wrote in and said, “Danielle, I’m not sure where to start. I suppose I should just say the word in my head most days—fear. I was talking to a dear friend a few months ago, and she pointed out that I am constantly fearful but also doing everything I can to avoid it. I’ve struggled with this thought since she spoke those words. I feel this is a truthful assessment of where I am, but I do not know how to get out of it. I would love to hear your advice.”

Let me ask you a question I’ve been chasing the answer to for most of my life. Is there such a thing as broken people, or are there only broken moments?

Your answer may vary from the truth depending on where you are in your life, what you’ve experienced, and how you’ve processed what has been and what you believe will continue to occur.

Today, you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into redefining the idea of broken, and I’ll hand over something most of us are not taught, which is how to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is one conversation that shatters our traditional thinking and flips what you thought you needed to move forward on

Most of our suffering and upset come from how tightly we hold onto our perspectives as truths and the emotional, mental, and physical behaviors we cling to that never serve us, such as perfectionism, procrastination, negative self-talk, and avoidance. When we live from a space that prevents us from experiencing our life to the fullest, where we are closed to everything and open to nothing, we keep ourselves in a cycle that pushes against growth and ourselves.

There’s a term for this behavior, and it’s self-sabotage.

Today, you and I are taking a one-on-one deep dive into self-sabotage, what it is, and how it impacts us. Then we will move into a space where we learn to be observers of ourselves and our behaviors so that we may grow, find self-love, rest in inner peace, and fully thrive as the souls we are in our human experience.

Our lives are filled with habits and patterns. Some serve us. Some don’t. Depending on where the pattern originated, whether trauma or learned, these patterns can own us and become the coping mechanisms that are our everyday behaviors. People don’t necessarily cling to old habits because they want to beat themselves up but rather because we humans stick to what’s familiar.

Karen Crosby wrote in and said, “Danielle, I’ve been working with a therapist for a little over two years now. She has helped me realize I have many painful patterns in my daily life that come out in the things I do and through how my relationships have been. Yet, she hasn’t been able to help me change or let go of these painful patterns. It’s extremely frustrating. I’m hoping you can help! You’ve helped me in many other ways through your podcast, blog, videos, and Instagram posts. Can you please help me understand how to let go of painful patterns? I feel like I continually do things that cause more harm than good, even though I know that is not what I want!

Nothing gives you emotional freedom, inner peace, and balance, like releasing the outcome of any given moment and practicing non-attachment.

Demi from Berlin, Germany, wrote in and said, “I’m new to your audience as I just found your podcast six weeks ago. In the episodes I’ve listened to, you say our brains are wired to keep us safe. I’ve been thinking about this over the last few weeks and wondered if that is why I always feel I need control over things. I can’t enjoy a night out with friends without a schedule. I have ended relationships with romantic partners because I felt I needed to keep their agendas, which made me feel like I was out of control of how I spent my time. I like everything planned and spelled out. I don’t like the “control freak” label, but I know that’s what I am. So, my first question is: is control a form of safety? And secondly, is there something I can do to stop living this way? I know I make things harder on myself.”

After the brilliant conversation around Heart Coherence and living a heart-centered life, I wanted to give you the ability to get into coherence yourself. While the technique is simple, this is not something we learn—though we should. Getting into “The Zone” or bringing your attention to your heart rhythm and breath patterns allows us to tap into the heart’s intelligence. And it is so easy to do that after you practice this for just a few minutes each day, you can find coherence within about 60 seconds. In addition, by reaching this state, we release stress and stop draining emotions such as frustration, irritation, anxiety, and anger.

When you are coherent, your thoughts and emotions are balanced, and you experience ease and inner harmony.

Kim from Detroit wrote in and said, “Hey girl, I am in an interesting place in my life. My father recently passed away. At his funeral, many of my family members began to ask me about my feelings regarding his passing. He and I had a long history. There was abuse, mental, emotional, and physical. As I got older, we both acted like it didn’t exist so that I could keep him in my life. But as my family has begun to open up more, I am discovering what I remember and what they know do not add up. It’s as if I cannot access it in my memories. However, since that day and many of those conversations, I have noticed my behavior has been different. It’s almost as if I’ve reverted to things I used to do, like needing to prove myself, feeling like I need to be right, and having a hard time keeping my boundaries. I read one of your posts about trauma and how it shows up on Instagram, and now I’m questioning myself. How can we identify if we have unhealed trauma guiding our behaviors?”