Our lives are filled with habits and patterns. Some serve us. Some don’t. Depending on where the pattern originated, whether trauma or learned, these patterns can own us and become the coping mechanisms that are our everyday behaviors. People don’t necessarily cling to old habits because they want to beat themselves up but rather because we humans stick to what’s familiar.

Karen Crosby wrote in and said, “Danielle, I’ve been working with a therapist for a little over two years now. She has helped me realize I have many painful patterns in my daily life that come out in the things I do and through how my relationships have been. Yet, she hasn’t been able to help me change or let go of these painful patterns. It’s extremely frustrating. I’m hoping you can help! You’ve helped me in many other ways through your podcast, blog, videos, and Instagram posts. Can you please help me understand how to let go of painful patterns? I feel like I continually do things that cause more harm than good, even though I know that is not what I want!

Nothing gives you emotional freedom, inner peace, and balance, like releasing the outcome of any given moment and practicing non-attachment.

Demi from Berlin, Germany, wrote in and said, “I’m new to your audience as I just found your podcast six weeks ago. In the episodes I’ve listened to, you say our brains are wired to keep us safe. I’ve been thinking about this over the last few weeks and wondered if that is why I always feel I need control over things. I can’t enjoy a night out with friends without a schedule. I have ended relationships with romantic partners because I felt I needed to keep their agendas, which made me feel like I was out of control of how I spent my time. I like everything planned and spelled out. I don’t like the “control freak” label, but I know that’s what I am. So, my first question is: is control a form of safety? And secondly, is there something I can do to stop living this way? I know I make things harder on myself.”

After the brilliant conversation around Heart Coherence and living a heart-centered life, I wanted to give you the ability to get into coherence yourself. While the technique is simple, this is not something we learn—though we should. Getting into “The Zone” or bringing your attention to your heart rhythm and breath patterns allows us to tap into the heart’s intelligence. And it is so easy to do that after you practice this for just a few minutes each day, you can find coherence within about 60 seconds. In addition, by reaching this state, we release stress and stop draining emotions such as frustration, irritation, anxiety, and anger.

When you are coherent, your thoughts and emotions are balanced, and you experience ease and inner harmony.

Kim from Detroit wrote in and said, “Hey girl, I am in an interesting place in my life. My father recently passed away. At his funeral, many of my family members began to ask me about my feelings regarding his passing. He and I had a long history. There was abuse, mental, emotional, and physical. As I got older, we both acted like it didn’t exist so that I could keep him in my life. But as my family has begun to open up more, I am discovering what I remember and what they know do not add up. It’s as if I cannot access it in my memories. However, since that day and many of those conversations, I have noticed my behavior has been different. It’s almost as if I’ve reverted to things I used to do, like needing to prove myself, feeling like I need to be right, and having a hard time keeping my boundaries. I read one of your posts about trauma and how it shows up on Instagram, and now I’m questioning myself. How can we identify if we have unhealed trauma guiding our behaviors?”

We all want to be liked and loved—it’s a natural part of our desire and need for human connection. In fact, from the moment we are born, we begin seeking connection. However, while this desire is innate, there can be a tipping point where being liked and loved turns into seeking approval and validation through the assurance of others.

This kind of connection seeking is a hallmark trait of people-pleasing.

This week I sat down to have one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on the Get Your Life Together, Girl Podcast with therapist Somiari Fubara. Together we talk about breaking family cycles, abuse, trauma, the pain, the hardships, the victories, and how we can own our path without it costing us who we are, and want we want to create for ourselves. This is raw, unfiltered conversation with the end goal of motivating you to start healing and ultimately build the life of your dreams regardless of the opinions of others, especially those that differ within your bloodline.